Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life

Of all the books on my shelf, the one that has most profoundly altered the course of my life is Nonviolent Communication: a Language of Life by Marshall Rosenberg.

I have been working with Nonviolent Communication for six years. It has broken down every troubled idea I had about myself or others. I know that if I practice enough, I will be able to approach any situation with curiosity and compassion.

On the surface, Nonviolent Communication (NVC for short) is a method for communicating effectively. In order to fully express our truth, Dr. Rosenberg encourages us to consider our observations carefully, look deeply into our emotions, and discover our most fundamental needs.

By itself, the practice of Nonviolent Communication is fruitful. When combined with spiritual compassion and mindful presence, the practice becomes powerful and dynamic.

The focus of Nonviolent Communication is to see the best in ourselves and others, making it easy for a loving connection to arise from even the most unlikely scenarios. By identifying my own needs and the needs of others, conflict evolves into a shared problem.

Shame can be transformed into compassion. Conformity falls away and leaves us with a strong sense of self. Fear melts in the face of community and connection. It can happen any and every minute that we try.

Suddenly, the argument, "You're a lazy slob!" is magically transformed into: "I saw your wet towel on the floor after breakfast, and I'm feeling discouraged because I was really wanting to satisfy my need for order." Imagine being on the receiving end of either statement. I know I'm more likely to listen compassionately to the second statement than the first.

Often we see our friends, our family, and even ourselves as lazy, stupid, or selfish. This happens because we have been trained to disconnect. We have been systematically taught to see other people, and even ourselves, as the enemy.

It isn't our fault that we were brought up this way. It is a worldwide epidemic of shame, oppression, and fear. However, we have the power of the present moment. Today we can respond differently. Today we can try something new.

The needs listed in this clever street art
installment represent some of the fundamental
values that we all share.

Nonviolent Communication taught me to see the world this way. I use it in every single avenue of life, from how I talk to my patients to how I approach my family and my self. When nothing works, when it seems that life is record skipping on repeat, NVC can open doors. It can alter your perspective in a way that permanently changes the way you see the world.

And you can get to clarity and compassion through the foremost thought on your own mind. So what are you thinking? Angry about something that happened this morning or last year? Trying to get away from your work conflicts? Is communication down in some part of your life? Make the observation. Search your feelings. Find your deepest, most cherished values and learn to express them to other people. It's liberating; you may be surprised at what you find out about yourself and others.

With practice, we begin to hear the deepest cries from everyone's heart no matter what they are saying. From the words, "I hate you," we can hear things like, "I need freedom. I am my own person. This is the best I can do." It takes the sting out of any insult and lays the foundations for sincerity.

I empower you to investigate this book. I found the audiobook compelling and wonderful - Marshall's voice is soothing and methodical.

This is not the last you will be hearing about Nonviolent Communication. But if I only had one book to recommend to the whole world, this would be it.